Digital Divide

            A widening generation gap in the technocratic Societies

Many parents complain their children are not responsible. They are self centered and don’t listen to them. They want freedom. Some parents even share that their children are hostile to them. On the other hand, children say their parents are not considerate. They are always vindictive and unnecessarily strict. They say parents never understand them, and are rarely loving and cooperative. This has resulted into an unwanted tension in families, with both parents and children involved in unsolicited blame games. This is leading to an ever-widening generation gap, and it is more conspicuous in urban families.

Owing to their busy schedule, parents in industrialized world don’t have enough time for their children. Working mothers leave their infants in day-care centers and go to office. Many others hire nurses and babysitters to take care of their children while they are busy with their jobs or business. Children, who grow up under institutional care or receive hired help this way, grow up to be different from those who receive family care. They don’t have an emotional attachment with their parents. Their relationship with parents is a formal one, not bound by love and affection. They don’t have a sense of responsibility towards their family too.

Many parents don’t spend time with their children even when they are free. On weekends and vacations, children expect their parents to be around them.  They want them to listen to and show interest in what they want to share with their parents.  They don’t want their parents to do big things for them. They have some little demands, as simple as being taken to the cinema or fun parks for a day out so that they can have a quality time together.  But parents hardly manage this time for their children. They have their own plans and programmes, and the whims of their children are just insignificant compared to their plans. When this persists, children gradually develop a negative attitude towards their parents.  They feel a lack of love and care and feel that they have been neglected. This ultimately leads to a situation where children begin to distance themselves from their parents.

 Even in mornings and evenings, some parents don’t take time to care for their children. Many parents work overtime and are exhausted after work. Some others are psychologically stressed due to their work load and inevitable pressures in their workplaces. Sometimes, they have a pressure of projects and assignments to be completed, and they have to spare extra hours at home to meet the deadlines. Even when they aren’t busy, some parents don’t bother to look after their children. They can’t entertain their mischiefs or don’t have the patience to answer their queries. So, they either switch the TV onto a cartoon channel and leave the child watching it or let it play games in the cell phones. For a time being, it proves to be a good solution as it gives them a respite from having to take care of the child. The television or cell phone engages the child while parents take time to complete their work. But in the long run, it turns to be counterproductive. The child gets addicted to the gadget and begins to be hostile to the parents.

 Children who grow up with little family care tend to be reserved and hesitant. They can’t open up with their family and relatives. Many of them feel low and inferior, and thus prefer to live in isolation. They feel freer and more comfortable in the company of their friends. But while at home, they lock themselves up in their room and enjoy in the virtual world that they have created through the social networking sites. They laugh, cry, frown or do anything there to release their frustration and resentments. They avoid family functions and social gatherings. This creates a gap between them and their parents, and parents think their children are anti social. This vicious cycle continues.

Although children too are partly guilty, parents have a larger share in inviting such unwanted tensions and gaps. Lack of real communication with children and basically their tendency to take the help of gadgets in parenting their children has proved costly for them. Parents sometimes fail to understand what their children really want from them. By providing for all their monetary needs, some parents think they have done everything for their children.  But this is a misconception. What children need from their parents is time and attention.

Besides busy work schedules, our own craze for technology has further widened the gap.  Our obsession with smart phones, tablets, internet, emails, and all the social media apps has distanced us from our children further apart. We ourselves tend to live in our digital lives rather than the physical one, and sharing stuff in the social media is more important than sharing with our family and children. For instance, instead of making mealtimes fun, we keep busy with our phones, checking out the latest updates from our friends and replying to chats and emails.

Therefore, rather than complaining about our children, we, as parents, ought to find ways to maintain a balance between our family and work. Most importantly, we ought to realize that a little time communicating and listening to our children is more worth than many extra hours that we spend earning for our children.

Durga Gautam

Buddhanagar, Kathmandu

Undisciplined DI's

On the first day of your college, if you see a muscular man (usually with a stick or a piece of rubber or plastic pipe in his hand) standing at the college gate, don’t be confused. He is your discipline In-charge (DI). He is the person who will monitor your activities and discipline you during your stay in the college.

Most of the colleges in Kathmandu have DI’s, who are hired for maintaining the discipline of students. These DI’s are often muscular men who frighten students with their physique. Some are bouncers who, at night, work in restaurants, dance bars and nightclubs, helping to stop drinking brawls and other unwanted tensions. Barring some few cases, most of these people are illiterate or semiliterate, and are rarely friendly to students.

Early in the morning they stand at the college gate screening every individual student about whether or not he/she is in proper college uniform, with fingernails properly manicured, hair trimmed short(for boys) and many other things. If not up to the mark, you are not going to be spared. If your hair is a few millimeters longer than they want it to be, they have got scissors in their hands. No matter what you say and how you try to plead to them that you will manage to have it cut the next day, they are not going to listen to you. They cut your hair. You may be regular and punctual on the other days but if you happen to come late just one day, they don’t spare you. You may have a genuine reason for your coming late, but it does not work. You have to face the punishment, which is often harsh and humiliating.

They are rarely polite to students. Many of them don’t even use decent language. It seems as if they have no soft corner in their heart. They often address students in disrespectful ways. Some are heard using abusive and derogatory words, which modern day students are not exposed to even at home and in their surroundings.  They never counsel students positively to improve their behavior. Instead, they provoke students by being harsh and indecent to them.

 In fact, we don’t need DI’s in colleges if we view discipline with a new perspective. We can build a well functioning system, which automatically trains an individual to behave in the way we want. There are many colleges which have been doing well without DI’s. We never hear anything about the misbehaviors of students in these colleges.

Durga Gautam

Buddhanagar, Kathmandu 

Narcissism

Narcissism is a complex where an individual is obsessed with self praise. Narcissistic people never get tired of singing in their own praise and expect the same from others too. They find themselves elated when they hear the words of praise from others. narcissism often results from an individual's inferiority complex. People who view themselves as inferior to others in one way or the other find narcissism as way of  wish fulfillment. such people are always aware of the fact that they lack something and try to hide it by creating environment where they are praised by others.
we have got a number of such people around us. Everyday they try to wear the same arrogant look behind which lies a helplessly defeated self. we like to pity such people who live a fake life with one of a huge personality disorders.       

nothing.....

sometimes nothing....just nothing strikes your mind..an absolute blankness...a void, a big void scary and dark...everything, every idea submerges beneath the floorboards of emptiness..just a myriad of undefined senses or senselessness ...swirling up like a twister, rising up with tumults....a state of  thoughtlessness.

out of this gestation are then born pure thoughts, worthy to be expressed ...a flow of ideas a chain of feelings....

Obsession

Under the canopy of

Darkened serenity

In her dismal den

Lies she, munching life

To the core

And grunting the pain inward,

Oozing drop by drop

Into the jar

Obsessed with the gluttony

Of the clan.

Frailty presses her hard

From underneath her

But she strives to hold firm

Until the last drop;

The obsession under her

Grows and sprawls around

Like a savage wilderness

Over the wall and the window

That curtains the sun

From her world;

A small portion of life

Vibrates hard from deep down

Reminding her: she flowed once

But now she only oozes.

Durga Gautam

Modern Education and Civilization

What does it mean to be civilized? Civilization, as the etymological dictionary puts it, is an advanced and organized state of human social development. To put it in simple words, civilization is an up gradation from barbarism, where an individual is expected to abide by a set standard of rules and regulations and display socially accepted behavior. The term civilization, however, doesn’t carry the same meaning in all societies and cultures. Things and acts considered civilized in one part of the country may be viewed terribly offensive in some other part. Nevertheless, there are some universal norms and values of life, which are widely accepted as the marks of civilization in all the communities and across the cultures.

‘Education is the source of civilization’ as the saying goes. Education is believed to have been the sole factor for transforming the early barbaric societies into the civilized ones. However, whether or not modern education has civilized us today is an issue that can be fairly debated.

The unparallel contribution of modern education can not be negated. Today, the world has achieved a tremendous progress in the field of science and technology, and human civilization has reached at the peak of advancement.  The development of mass communication has cut across the geographical and cultural boundaries, and has turned the world into a global village.  Modernization has been a popular craze among all, no matter whether they are aristocrats or slum dwellers. All the advancement of this kind can solely be credited to the wonders of education. Despite this, the failure of modern education to give us the desired outcome has saddened us.

Education wasn’t within the reach of everyone in the past. Only a handful of the socially privileged class could afford to educate their children in the limitedly available urban schools or abroad. Villages grossly lacked schools and educational facilities. Societies were agricultural. Children in these typically agricultural societies grew up in joint families assisting their parents in their traditional family occupations, later inheriting the same as theirs. They were totally deprived of the light of education. Yet the societies were organized and smooth. Families were integrated and happy.  Irrespective of the differences in caste, creed and culture, people were bound by the feeling of humanity and brotherhood. They lived in peace and harmony, and resolved the occasional dispute and differences in a cordial manner. There was an atmosphere of trust since they had faith upon one another. They shared a common interest, which was the welfare of all the mankind. There was cooperation among people in societies.  ‘Live and let live’ was the guiding principle of life, and benevolence was given the utmost priority. Selfishness, treachery and deception were almost unheard of.

With the passage of time, there have been many changes in the education scenario. Unlike in the past, education has been recognized as a basic need, as essential as food, shelter and clothes, and has been established as a fundamental right of an individual. There has been an extensive awareness among people regarding its importance. Today, people, irrespective of what economic condition and circumstances they live in, don’t make any compromise with the education of their children. Even a rickshaw puller or a stone crusher sends his children to a private school. As a result, societies have undergone a huge transformation. They have been modern and advanced. There has been an upliftment in people’s standard of living, and quality of life has improved.

Despite these positive changes, modern education has massively failed in bringing about the holistic development in an individual. Societies have materially advanced, but the humanitarian aspect has suffered a huge setback. The philosophy of ‘live and let live’ has vanquished deep down into the dungeons of cold materialism. The ideology of benevolence has been replaced by the ‘me-first’ philosophy of life. We have been selfish and individualistic in nature.  We have lost the power of tolerance and developed an unrestricted aggression, which can be triggered even by the smallest of the acts of resentment.  

Honesty, righteousness and good conduct have been left far behind, and we have mastered the art of deception. As a result, modern educated societies have disintegrated and families torn apart. We witness the acts of violence, murder, rape, and treachery rampant everywhere. We have lost our faith upon one another, even on our close associates. The persistently growing family violence has left our children in the lurch, and has questioned their inheritance. Modern man has forgotten his duty even to his parents. He has left them in the old age homes and has run after material prosperity. Many elderly citizens, abandoned by their families, have been living a painful life in such welfare homes run by different people and organizations. We have been totally barbaric, but still call ourselves civilized. The term civilization has been widely misunderstood and misinterpreted. It is associated more with the flashy appearance of people. Dressing up with the latest fashion trends, going to disco, and partying together, among many others, have begun to be viewed as the signs of civilization. Modern human has forgotten the value of morality and character.

The desired outcome of education may vary according to time, place and context. However, some universal human values that education is expected to instill in humans are same everywhere and can’t be undermined. But sadly, this holy mission of education has been obliterated due to its commercialization. Modern educational institutions have turned out to be corporate houses trading certificates. They prepare students to achieve the best academic grades that qualify them to sell themselves in the job market, but pay very little or no attention to teaching human values or life skills. Value based education has been a far cry. As a result, today, we have enough of educational morons, morally sterile and spiritually barren but very few human beings.

Durga Gautam

Published in The Rising Nepal dated January 25th, 2014

Life and Death

There you are, full of life as you call it,

Possessed with a lot of vigour and vitality,

And the angst for a meaningful existence,

You roar loud as you tread

Upon the path, seeking to breathe life into it

Ere long to be discovered forlorn and forfeited

And bereft with the right to

Dream, aspire and achieve.

You rush, run and rave, at last

Only to be blessed with shame and sorrow,

And left in the dreary desert of darkness

Like a tale full of sound and fury,

Is this what you call life?

Much walked; panting and gasping

And trudging all the way up hill

But a little covered

And yet the destination but

Like a faint light still blinking afar.

With hands ever outstretched

As if up to infinity,

You drag the life all along

While the goal keeps eluding you

Like a mirage, so alluring and deceptive.

Is this the meaning of existence?

If so,

Let death come;

So cold and yet so sure

So fearful and yet so concrete

So unwanted and yet so inevitable

So dull and yet so promising;

The cessation of everything

And an everlasting rest

An eternal sleep and the end of being

And yet the beginning…….

Durga Gautam